When Survival No Longer Serves You

What have you been reading or listening to this summer?

Every now and then, I come across content that touches the inner parts of me. Kin by Tayari Jones is one example. Keke Palmer’s TED Talk is another. Keke's storytelling landed so deeply I'm dedicating this entire issue to it — her 12-minute story is exactly the point of sabbatical living.

“Survival can be so effective, you don’t realize when it’s no longer serving you.” — Keke Palmer

Resting

An invitation to slow down long enough to hear what your mind, body, and heart are telling you.

Keke reflects on how her toddler’s meltdown showed her how resisting rest was leading to her decay.

She comforted her son by saying: “It’s ok to rest. You can rest. I’ve got you.” She could have been saying these same words to herself. She had learned to survive by always moving forward. Always. No matter what. Despite desperately needing to stop and be held.

But the risk of stopping can be in conflict with survival. During coffee last week, a Black woman leader described it plainly: the acute pain of knowing you need to stop can still feel like an ultimatum to keep going. That hit. Keke reinforces our agency to take the break we need to rediscover the best parts of ourselves, not the version conditioned to survive.

What signals have you received that it’s safe to stop?

Remembering

An invitation to reconnect with your brilliance - the wisdom, creativity, and magic within and around you.

Remembering can ground you. It can also keep you running — afraid of going back to what was. Keke’s childhood memories of a rich culture and pride coexisted with financial struggle. For her, remembering what she didn’t want to go back to kept her moving forward at all costs.

Her story is a cautionary tale of how looking back can propel you forward in healthy and unhealthy ways. Her looking back held love, creativity, hardship, opportunity, pain, shame, and courage.

The memory of how she made freedom possible for her family is a source of pride. Losing herself in the performance of it all was a low point. The stage, not home, had become her safe space. I love how she embraces the tension of remembering by acknowledging the costs, appreciating the success, and choosing gratitude as a staple for memory making.

How can your memories of survival be reframed as a reminder to stop?

Recasting/Realizing

An invitation to imagine the life you desire and pursue it with joy as your compass.

One of the most powerful moments in the story is when Keke reintroduces herself as Lauren Kiana Palmer, CEO of the Keke Palmer Company. Not a performer. Not a provider. Herself, first.

She encourages listeners to take a break long enough to look around, take stock of what you’ve achieved, and bask in the gratitude for what you’ve already done. For her, that was a trip to Bali. For you, it could start with 15 minutes to be still and listen.

Her clear view of how success has served her – and harmed her – allows her to imagine and pursue a different future. That recast vision allows her to realize a future with generational impact. No longer held captive by survival, her parents are learning to dream and she is learning to live.

Which part of Keke’s story resonated most with you? Where is survival still running the show when it no longer needs to? I'd love to hear what comes up. Drop me a line.

Joyfully,

Elandria